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June 17th, 2022
Jun. 17th, 2022 10:58 pmFamily is an odd thing for me. On one hand a major part of my identity is wrapped up in the fact that Ive been on my own since a young age and grew up in a home marred by a failed marriage and abusive interactions.
But all of that was behind closed doors. My extended family never really saw it, or perhaps never involved themselves enough to see it. Further, both of my parents were very good at keeping up appearances and convincing others its was the other spouse causing the problems. In reality, both of them were very far from spouse or parent of the year.
Now Im an adult, a person with agency, and 25+ years of living my life without involvement with my parents. Now its a surreal and strange experience to connect with extended family. This is because I was isolated from them. I had a mother who prevented me from having relationships in many ways and a father who couldn't be bothered.
When I see extended family now, they either try to drag me into the past or they show genuine interest in knowing who I am now. I had such an experience today.
I went to a family funeral awhile back and was able to talk to a cousin which led to some emails. Now, though she is my cousin she is more of aunt due to age difference and as a child she had that title. It was a rare moment to talk to people without my narcissist father sucking all the air out of the room as he was otherwise occupied.
So, today I go down and have a completely delightful conversation with her a her husband. We even found we had similar reading interests. I was able to pick their tag sale before it opens tomorrow to supply my household with needed tools and such to.
They were rather involved in my life very early on. I vaguely remember spending time at their summer home and playing with their daughters. So its rather surreal to reenter their lives 30+ years later. Now, they are still close with my father so this is a cautious thing and likely wont be regular. At the same time it was a rather refreshing experience nonetheless.
But all of that was behind closed doors. My extended family never really saw it, or perhaps never involved themselves enough to see it. Further, both of my parents were very good at keeping up appearances and convincing others its was the other spouse causing the problems. In reality, both of them were very far from spouse or parent of the year.
Now Im an adult, a person with agency, and 25+ years of living my life without involvement with my parents. Now its a surreal and strange experience to connect with extended family. This is because I was isolated from them. I had a mother who prevented me from having relationships in many ways and a father who couldn't be bothered.
When I see extended family now, they either try to drag me into the past or they show genuine interest in knowing who I am now. I had such an experience today.
I went to a family funeral awhile back and was able to talk to a cousin which led to some emails. Now, though she is my cousin she is more of aunt due to age difference and as a child she had that title. It was a rare moment to talk to people without my narcissist father sucking all the air out of the room as he was otherwise occupied.
So, today I go down and have a completely delightful conversation with her a her husband. We even found we had similar reading interests. I was able to pick their tag sale before it opens tomorrow to supply my household with needed tools and such to.
They were rather involved in my life very early on. I vaguely remember spending time at their summer home and playing with their daughters. So its rather surreal to reenter their lives 30+ years later. Now, they are still close with my father so this is a cautious thing and likely wont be regular. At the same time it was a rather refreshing experience nonetheless.
