Saying The Name Aloud
Mar. 11th, 2021 05:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
innerstoryThe mind is a strange place, often pivoting on very minor details. This is what occurred following the last post. Upon describing my demon, it seemed to lose its power over my mind. Upon reflection, the upswing was likely already underway for the preceding week. Day by day the general doldrum of daily life seemed less heavy.
But, before something truly begins to fade it often claws to the surface for a final showdown. Though it was objectively observable that the negative feelings were losing their power in retrospect, at the time I did not feel it. Instead feelings of depressions and yes, even some desperation came to the fore. Now, the equation has somewhat flipped from one side of the bottom to just over the other side.
More than half the snow is gone, there have been multiple sunny days, the sounds of children playing outside are emergent, and plans for nicer days to come are taking shape. A cautious, albeit tenuous optimism is setting in. It is not a moment too soon. Energy is still very low after months of neglecting positive movement on the sofa. Mentally though, I have felt the most clear this week than in the entire preceding year. So, view for the future is dim, but warm.
I miss the sounds of birds, I hope they grace me with their presence soon.
But, before something truly begins to fade it often claws to the surface for a final showdown. Though it was objectively observable that the negative feelings were losing their power in retrospect, at the time I did not feel it. Instead feelings of depressions and yes, even some desperation came to the fore. Now, the equation has somewhat flipped from one side of the bottom to just over the other side.
More than half the snow is gone, there have been multiple sunny days, the sounds of children playing outside are emergent, and plans for nicer days to come are taking shape. A cautious, albeit tenuous optimism is setting in. It is not a moment too soon. Energy is still very low after months of neglecting positive movement on the sofa. Mentally though, I have felt the most clear this week than in the entire preceding year. So, view for the future is dim, but warm.
I miss the sounds of birds, I hope they grace me with their presence soon.
